The Psychology of Pegging

Let’s dive into some of the reasons why people are interested in pegging—why it shows up so often in fantasies and why, for many, it can be a powerful and transformative experience.

Pegging falls under the broader category of strap-on sex, which includes vaginal or anal penetration using a strap-on dildo. Reports suggest that strap-on sales have surged in recent years, and curiosity around strap-on play is thriving.

While “pegging” typically refers to a woman penetrating a man with a strap-on, the act itself—penetrating an anus with a dildo—is not inherently tied to gender. Yet the heterosexual framing is often an important part of the fantasy’s appeal.

The term "pegging" was popularised by sex advice columnist (and one of my favourite podcasters) Dan Savage way back in 2001, after it was noted that there wasn't really a name for this specific flavour of strap-on sex.

And it is an extremely popular fantasy. Dr. Justin Lehmiller’s large-scale survey of sexual fantasies found that nearly 60% of men reported fantasizing about receiving anal sex, and around 40% of women reported fantasies about giving it. Only a fraction have acted on those fantasies, but the interest is clearly there.

I’m endlessly curious about what drives certain desires, and I know some of you are too, so I've gathered here some personal observations and reflections on the themes that seem to come up. This piece focuses mostly on the perspective of the receptive partner—the bottom. There’s a whole other post to be written about why topping with a strap-on is so appealing!

So, what is the appeal of pegging?

An algorithm-friendly basket of wooden clothes pegs!

1. Physical pleasure!

For many, the appeal is beautifully straightforward: it feels good! The anus and surrounding area contain dense networks of nerve endings, and prostate stimulation can be intensely pleasurable. Whether solo or partnered, anal play can be a deeply enjoyable experience.

But, for many others, the draw goes beyond sensation alone, so let's go beneath the surface and look at some of the psychological themes.

2. Playing with power

Mainstream portrayals of pegging—especially in porn—often frame it within a Dominant/submissive dynamic: a powerful woman taking control while a man submits.

For some people, this dynamic is essential. Being “taken,” commanded, or encouraged to surrender can create a sense of permission that makes the experience feel safer or more accessible. Shifting from receiving to allowing or even being taken from can be liberating, especially for those who carry internalized expectations around masculinity, control, or invulnerability.

There can also be an erotic charge in confronting cultural taboos. In many parts of modern society, a man receiving anal penetration is still stigmatized, or perceived as emasculating or threatening to the heterosexual identity. This ambivalence—being drawn to something that also feels forbidden or nerve-wracking—is one of Jack Morin’s cornerstones of eroticism. For some, this psychological friction only enhances the erotic pull.

Approaching pegging within a consensual power dynamic can make the experience feel both more intensely exciting and more emotionally accessible.

3. Subverting gender roles

Outside of explicit D/s play, many people are drawn to pegging because it offers a break from rigid gender expectations.

A common theme among men is the pressure to perform—professionally, emotionally, and sexually. There’s often an expectation to lead, initiate, AND maintain a reliable erection, all of which can create stress rather than pleasure.

Pegging offers an alternative script. Becoming the receptive partner can feel like a welcome shift from “doing” into “being.” It allows intimacy and pleasure without the pressure of performing or penetrating.

Some people are also curious about what it feels like to be entered—to experience sex from a different side of the equation. This perspective can foster empathy, vulnerability, and a deeper appreciation of the trust involved in allowing someone else into your own body.

In these cases, people often gravitate toward positions that encourage eye contact, connection, and a more intimate atmosphere rather than the stereotypical “on all fours’’ imagery associated with pegging.

4. A healing or spiritual practice

Many people are drawn to kink—and in this case pegging—for its potential as a healing, transformational, or spiritual practice.

Kink can be a space where we intentionally explore the parts of ourselves that feel tender, hidden, or constrained. It invites us to set down our masks and let ourselves be seen more fully.

Jack Morin describes eroticism as a way of transforming pain or insecurity into erotic energy, and a path toward wholeness. Some of that wholeness comes from being desired precisely for the parts of ourselves we usually protect.

Manon Hedenborg White, drawing on Judith Butler, writes about the way desire can “undo” us—how erotic surrender can dissolve the edges of the self. Even the term la petite mort (“the little death”) hints at this: orgasm as a moment of ego dissolution.

In this context, pegging can function as a form of erotic destruction—a letting-go of the self in order to come back more whole. It asks for surrender, relaxation, and trust. The anus, after all, does not respond well to force! Allowing another person to cross that threshold can feel symbolically profound.

In summary, pegging blends taboo, vulnerability, sensation, and symbolism in ways that can feel liberating, playful, erotic, or even healing.

Fear and transgression can heighten desire, as can the sense of rebellion against limiting roles or expectations. For some, pegging becomes a doorway into greater authenticity—sexually and personally.

These are just a few of the motivations that draw people to this practice. There are undoubtedly many more! 

This blog post is based on a talk I gave at The Sex Lectures in 2023. You can watch me give the original talk here: https://youtu.be/Zih5qryJ7-g?si=TzaV3Wpt2cAYYBRt. 

Image by Susan Holt Simpson on Unsplash