One of the interesting side effects of engaging in kink is that play itself can take us into an altered state of consciousness, and this can be brought about not only through physical sensations such as pain or being in bondage, but also from being immersed in the psychological aspects of power exchange and surrender.
This blog post aims to give you insight into what you might experience in these altered states and provide tips on navigating the transitions during and after play. The focus is predominantly on the altered states that are experienced whilst in the submissive or “bottom” role.
Let’s start by getting clear on what we mean by altered states! I’m using this term here to refer to an altered state of consciousness in which someone’s normal mental state is changed. People can at times think of altered states as something only induced by psychedelics, but all of us experience altered states already on a daily basis! Sleep, for example, is a form of altered state and so is love! We can also reach these states through fasting, music and dancing, meditation, some medical conditions, or the prescription drugs we use to manage them.
The altered state that we can experience when we are in the submissive or “bottom” role (generally the person being done to) is Subspace. Some of the ways that this is commonly described are:
A euphoric, out-of-body, trance-like state that can feel deeply relaxing or meditative, detached from reality, or like floating or flying. You might find that your perception of time is altered, as well as your ability to think or speak coherently.
Whilst this can be on the whole a positive experience, if you’ve not experienced subspace before and aren’t armed with this knowledge, it can be quite a disorienting or even scary experience to suddenly find yourself feeling spaced out and not knowing why!
What brings subspace about can be very different for each individual, but a combination of physical or mental pain plus pleasure can produce biochemical changes such as increases in:
Adrenaline - generated by fear and excitement
Endorphins - released when we experience pain
Serotonin - the so-called pleasure high that we can sometimes experience e.g. after impact play
Dopamine - from the anticipation and arousal
Oxytocin - from bonding and connecting
Together these can create an emotional, psychological, and physiological response.
There are different types of subspace too - physical subspace from things like impact play, bondage, or sensory deprivation, and mental subspace from experiencing another’s sadistic, primal, or sexual power. You might also hear people referring to activity-specific states such as “rope space” which people may experience when in rope bondage.
For some kinksters, achieving this so-called “healthy high” may be the key motivator behind why they wish to play. It can be a welcome escape from day-to-day life and something that relaxes or resources them, perhaps similar to someone else going for a massage!
Subspace can be incredibly pleasurable, allowing the submissive to experience a profound sense of trust and surrender. However, because this state alters cognitive function and bodily awareness, it can also impair a person's ability to make decisions or recognize personal limits. You may find that your inhibitions are lowered whilst your pain tolerance increases, meaning that there’s a risk you might go beyond your usual limits, for example receiving more pain than you would normally (and then suffering over the following days).
Another reason why I feel it’s important for us to spread this knowledge about altered states is because subspace can be followed by a “drop”, sometimes referred to as “subdrop” - a crash in mood or energy that occurs in the hours or days after play. This is largely due to the neurochemicals that peaked during or immediately after play wearing off or returning to their normal levels. As they do, they can dip below our baseline levels before settling again, leading to a sudden or prolonged dip in mood or energy that may be unexpected, particularly if you had a great time during play!
Some of the common symptoms of subdrop are:
Fatigue or exhaustion
Feelings of sadness, anxiety, or depression
Physical soreness or aches
Increased need for reassurance or affection
Difficulty focusing or feeling "off"
Subdrop can feel scary or isolating, especially if you are not prepared for it or do not have adequate support. However, understanding that this is temporary and preparing in advance can help to mitigate its effects.
Some practical ways you can manage subspace and subdrop:
Stay hydrated and nourished! Playing while dehydrated or hungry can make subdrop worse and you might be surprised how much energy you can burn during play. It can be wise to have drinks and snacks available for when play has finished (or even during, if needed!)
Agree on Aftercare upfront: As part of your negotiation, discuss what you might need immediately after play finishes…
Consider what kind of things will bring you physical comfort when the scene ends. Some options might be - getting under a cosy blanket, physical closeness/being held, taking a shower, being somewhere warm with soft lighting. You may find that something completely different is comforting to you, and that’s OK!
What will be supportive to you emotionally? Would you like to receive reassurance, praise, or words of affirmation? Do you like having space to process solo, or is it helpful to talk through what happened and how you felt with the person or people you’ve been playing with?
You may find it difficult to think clearly immediately after a scene ends, so maybe you’d prefer to have a check in a day or two later to discuss how the scene was for you. I recommend that you agree and schedule these check ins in advance, including how they will happen e.g. via message, video call, meet up in-person.
What additional aftercare can you give yourself if you find that you’re feeling low or emotional? And what support do you have in place should you need to talk to someone else about the experience? If you don’t already have a kink-aware therapist, you may be able to use directories like Kink Aware Professionals to find one or ask around in your kinky community for recommendations.
Going into kink explorations with an awareness of altered states can help you to prepare for the highs and lows that you might experience, as well as allowing you to proactively negotiate practical support with your play partners. Your emotional wellbeing is just as important to consider as any physical risks that may involved with play, so don’t be afraid to ask for what you need AND to walk away if a potential play partner is not interested in having these discussions!
If you've experienced subspace and/or subdrop before, what else have you found helpful?
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